Crying Blame.

Isn't it a shame there's a word called blame

"Forgive them they know not what they do."

the introspective must hide

while the whole world must cry

"All this is because of you!"

I have been blamed and as a result

I lay blame upon myself too

I am innocent, I am not the government

and I didn't try to screw you.

But you point your fingers long and thin

away from me but at everyone else

I am too weak, it's shelter I seek

And I find myself taking my pulse.

Swan Song Ego Trip

... he put me on hold

while he let things unfold

and my love for him started to wane

the bitterness brewed,

while the lonliness stewed

and practically drove me insane

I waited it out, else to do there was nout

I just carried on doing my thing

he wasn't to know, that when he did go

on his return I would give him the sting.

See, I formed a plan, didn't need a man

to screw me up body and soul

I was a swan and I would swim on

using my brain clear and bold.

Now I'm alone, have been for so long

I wonder did I do the right thing

just that we were so young

when we started that song

and now it's too late

that's the thing.

I have no regrets

but i'd be hedging my bets

that deep down inside, I still do

the whole thing was a mess

but now I regress

cos honey, this song is for you.

The King's Speech

A single swan statuesque on the still water, against the deep blue of the night sky, the ripples individually highlighted by the lights lining the nineteen arches bridge. I walk alone but not lonely, towards the cinema...

The film was excellent.

Snowdrop

Their pure white heads
push through
the hard crusty ground
in defiance of winter's
nihilistic attitude.

Tough beauty
refusing to be
cast out of Eden
scattered across
the driveway
grasses.

A gentle reminder
that winter passes.
And the spring brings
Renewed hope.



For my Mum who told me today that her snowdrops are coming up.

The Black Swan - a review

I was going to say that the trip along the river and across the bridge, on a freezing cold evening to get to the cinema was more interesting than the film itself...but it simply wouldn't be true.
I passed many swans on the way there, and another couple swimming in the sea beside the bridge on the way back. Walking and wondering would the movie live up expectations, I reminisced on my own brush with the art of ballet as a child. My stage performance and my giving it all up to annoy my parents who had abandoned the just gone 10 year old in a 'horrible and lonely environment commonly known as a boarding school. I also remembered a recurring dream i used to have as a six year old about my parents ice-skating on the lake. As they romantically skated towards each other, instead of falling into each other's arms they would skate into the melted ice in the middle. At this time in my life i was living with my grandparents, and wasn't too happy about it. I think the dream was a sub-conscious effort at punishing my parents for abandoning me. So that was twice being abandoned. I had killed my two ice-skating parents, the swans on the lake, in my dreams. For years I blamed myself after I discovered they had been having difficulties, and had eventually broken up their marriage. I thought my dream had put some kind of magic spell on their relationship. I did used to think my mind had those kind of powers. But I am all better now....um...

Back to the movie. What struck me was the hardship born from beauty, the insanity derived from striving for perfection. The inevitable corruption of innocence and the fighting will-power of the artiste who is prepared to push so hard for self-control, that the control becomes self-defeating. The fluffy, baby pink and blue world transformed into the black and white raw emotions of first love, and the alternate universe of insanity driving ambition full circle round back to insanity creating the thin line between reality and imagination. Provoking thoughts such as:
'Death is the only thing we can be truly certain of.'...leading to....'Is death itself an illusion?' Do we die over and over without even noticing?
Do I want to put the theory to the test? No, I don't.

As I walked home, a swan followed me across the bridge and I determined not to read too much into it. This would have happened no matter which movie i had gone to see. Wouldn't it?....