the mystery in the family history

I have been teasing certain members of my family about a snippet of info which was lurking between the lines of a genealogy book which was written about both the Massachusetts branch and the Irish branch of the Clements family tree. The common ancestor between the two sections was Robert. Robert had been married three times. His much loved first wife was Lydia with whom he had shared seven children had died in 1642. There is no record of why she died and there is also no record of her surname:
Her Tombstone reads:
IN MEMORY OF LYDIA CLEMENTS BURIED IN THIS CHURCHYARD 1642 WIFE OF ROBERT CLEMENTS WHO MIGRATED TO NEW ENGLAND 1642 AND BECAME ONE OF THE FOUNDERS OF HAVERHILL MASSACHUSETTS
It  is interesting to notice that nowhere in any of the documents is Lydia's birth family name uttered or mentioned, therefore it will be difficult to find out who exactly she was, other than wife and mother of Clements.

The same year Robert had decided alongside his eldest son Job, that they would move with the remaining children to the New World. (ie. East Coast America)

The two youngest sons, Abraham and Daniel, both eventually found themselves landed on the shores of Waterford, Ireland, via the current army of the time, Cromwell's. They were just eighteen and twenty years old respectively, mere boys, who had been conscripted. All families had to enter at least one family member into the

Rather than stealing land from the Native Americans, they had met with a local tribe and bought the land for x amount of money. There was a river running through it (just like in the film of the same name), I love the romance about that. The decision to leave Lancaster, was not because of poverty or to 'better' themselves, it was to run away from their grief concerning their beloved wife and mother, and to have a new beginning. I view this as an act of love, rather than an act of trying to conquer a new land. There is another reason, and that was the political and religious oppression of the times.
I quote Percival: XX

Another blog will reveal more about subsequent generations after their arrival, which is fascinating and almost unbelievable. For now, I must post this as promised.

Meanwhile our long lost, already departed ancestor Percy Clement-Wood from MA took it upon himself to investigate into the Irish branch of the family, how we got there, when and why. Nothing we didn't already know, but I admire that he had taken an interest as the majority of the original siblings had gone with their father to co-found the town of Havershill on the river Merrimack. This is where the eldest son , Job, must have have taken an exploratory trip and bumped into the tribe who they eventually bought the land from.
I felt blessed and relieved to find out that this was the case and that they had not stolen land through force.

In my travels through his book (of which I had been presented on a CD/DVD) I discovered the actual piece of paper on which the deed was sealed signed and delivered.

I also came across his discovery concerning the roots of the English branch of the family and had traced the name right back to The Wars of the Roses. That sure is a pretty name for a war.

This is where my little secret comes into play....

The name stops with Clement Baker of the Peak.
Before his two sons went off to fight for \Henry Tudor, in tribute to their own father,
they changed their surname from Baker to Clement, and this is the root of the current family name.
Had they not done this, we would be merely Bakers which would have suited me fine, because I do like to bake my own bread!

signing off as Fiocle Baker
(for no particular reason)

(I have yet to find out where The Peak actually is ( It could possibly be somewhere in South Wales, on the top of a hill, which is ultra-cool)

The need to understand

Rape is a topic which people shy away from or maybe not, I don't even know. It makes them feel uneasy and so it should. It makes me feel uneasy. More than that, not only is it one of the most abhorrent violations of the human body, but of the spirit.

Some live their whole lives feeling forced into denial about what has happened to them. It could be seen as being easier that way. But it isn't really. The oppressed emotions, the trauma, affects almost every aspect of a person's life, changes them irretrievably.
If it has happened to you, you should know that it was not your fault. It just takes one person to say: "You must have brought that on yourself." to devastate you and cause you to sink into a deeper sense of self hate. If people close to you don't offer up sympathy or compassion, dump them - you're better off alone. Someone who reads this, decide for yourself, but that is my experience.

Talking about it in a secure environment helps. It took me a long long time to get to the frame of mind to do so. It can take a long while to feel safe enough to express yourself openly, because one of the losses attached to this, is Trust. Isolation is also a factor. Even though you know you are not the only one, the isolation comes from feeling misunderstood. An understanding person can make all the difference. While talking about it is hard, brings back the painful emotions, (which actually don't really ever go away) There is some relief in looking at the situation from a different perspective, and helps to free that block of old emotion weighing you down and get it out into the ether. Let the ether take care of it. It is not a cure though. There is no cure - not something anyone want to hear, but helps to know.

I don't like the word 'victim' as it conjures up other words like 'weakness' and 'self-pity', the need to be molly-coddled and patronised. Others might tell you "Pull yourself together" or "You brought it on yourself". The truth is, (if you have survived rape, and can still function, you rock) It is not just 'rape' it is an attack. It may involve being beaten, threatened with your life, being held hostage, subjugated, conquered. It takes a long while to recover from this. Don't get me wrong, you can go about your daily life, even fall in love, have children, work, be creative, but there is always the under-pinning fear that it might happen again to you or worse to one of your loved ones. This causes massive anxiety. I am not going to pretend that by writing this, the anxiety is going to magically disappear because I know it isn't.
You're always looking over your shoulder, sleeping with one eye open, panic attacks. There are moments which trigger the emotional memory, even though you have forced your mind to forget. It could be a combination of elements which are memory triggers, and though they can't be avoided it is useful to know what they are, so at least you can understand what is happening to yourself, even if no one else does. Not doing this can make you think you're going crazy and there has been many a time when I have thought just that.

There is no happy ending, there never is. The best that can be done, is to do as much as can be done to recover. It is never going to have not happened. You are never going to feel great, or have a great day. What you can do is have the best day possible, and accept anything better than bad as good.

One of the dangers is that you stop worrying about what people think because your self-esteem drops to rock-bottom.  The problem with this lack of caring of what people think of you, is the possibility of losing your boundaries. Not caring what people think will leave you socially isolated with no friends and in an even worse place than you might have been otherwise. Pushing people who you are in danger of getting close to away.  A lot of effort has to be put into regaining these. If not, the same thing is likely to happen again, at least there is more chance of it. So you reel yourself in tight, real tight. You get to the point where you isolate yourself, or try to at least, in an attempt to feel safe. This has an adverse effect. Isolation is not necessarily a safe place to be, especially for a woman alone.
Unraveling the 'tightness' has to be taken slowly and carefully. But it is possible to do up to a point and you have to keep on keeping on, regardless.

It is important to point out that this thing that has happened. You should not allow yourself to be defined by it. It is a part of who you have become since, but it is not who you are. You are still you. Still the same you that you were before and this is a bump in the road.

If this post helps even one person - my job is done.

bye summer - hello winter

The summer started out pretty good really. 

Flowers grew. Vegetables and fruit arrived later on. 

Still no sign of birds in the house yet, though there is a nest now.

There was a bee to be seen

and something that looked like a little angel

The pears just kept on doing their thing.

They seem shinier than last years crop.

These climbing roses seemed more pink than usual.

That's all over now.

and it's turning a bit cold

nothing will grow

till spring

But the anti water charge protests just keep going on and on and on.

Its depressing that justice has to constantly be a forced issue.