The Sun Boat and Nine Lives

Breakfast lunch and dinner. It was the best job I ever cajoled my way into.

"What can you do?",

"I can cook"

"Ok, bring your bag down to the galley, you're hired."

It was a diving boat on the Red Sea. The skipper Ishai and his Irish girlfriend Irene. I had gone to Eilat from the kibbutz to seek out two German's on a boat who were allegedly hiring, but they sent me down the marina to the end boat. Off we went to get supplies. Five boxes of chicken, vegetables and so on to go into the freezer.

At night you could hear the bombs going off under-water off the coast of Jordan, to deter any 'spies', who might be trying to sneak into the country via the under-water/beach route. They also had mined the beaches along the coast. A thing didn't know, when one day the anchor had been lowered, and I impulsively dived in and swam towards one of these beaches, through shark-filled waters, with the intention of exploring the terrain. Half-way there, I heard shouting, looked back at the boat and they were waving at me.

Thinking: "Very friendly" I waved back, and continued swimming. Ronnie, the head-diver, jumped into the motorized dingy and sped towards me.

"Get in quick! There are sharks in these waters! Also that beach is land-mined!" It wasn't easy pulling myself over the large slippery sides of the rubber boat, but I can tell you I did it in record time. Why on earth they had not warned me about this before I had jumped in, is a mystery. I suppose they thought I already knew. The look on Ishai's face when I arrived back on board, I will never forget. Sweat was pouring down his face.

My antics didn't end there. On my break I would venture out snorkeling. Shimon, used to collect puffer-fish and hang them over his bunk dried and fully blown up. On my 'travels', I came across one of these animals and thought: "I can give this to Shimon for his collection." I proceeded to attempt to catch said fish. It darted away from me, as if knowing my intentions. When I got back I related my adventure, and was once again bawled out for putting myself in danger. I would have been instantly paralyzed and drowned on the spot. So, The Book of Dangerous Fish, was presented to me for my perusal.

Another time out swimming, I had cut my knee on a piece of coral. I saw a dog fish, which, to me, looked like a shark. I could see him circling under me, and could also see the blood oozing from my leg. I swam for my life! And I got on to deck, my heart was pounding so hard I thought it would literally explode. Maybe it was a shark, I will never know. Either way, I was again admonished, for naivety and recklessness.

How I managed to stay hired on the boat for three and a half months, escapes me. Must have been that they liked my food. I did after all, cook a pretty good stuffed bell-pepper. And my toasted grilled 'storm' sandwiches, were a hit with the guests. They were christened such by way of me being asked to cook lunch during a particularly rough sea. While most of the guests were heaving over-board, a hardy American, challenged me to make a grilled cheese. It was quite the experience, akin to trying to butter bread on a roller-coaster ride. But I was adventurous to the max and nothing seemed to phase me in those days.

What to do if you come across a burglar in the middle of the night

Plan A

• Ask them if they would like a nice cup of tea, and tell them they must be tired after being up so late.
• Run up to them, give them a tearful hug and say: "I get so few visitors, thank you for dropping by."
• Say: "I have been hoping someone would drop by, I need a hand unblocking the lavatory. You look like just the man."
• Shout down the stairs: "Oh, is that you Butch? How did target practice go tonight?"
• Tell them to come upstairs and meet your uncle Hannibal. He likes visitors...
• Scream hysterically: "Oh, my god, there's a spider in the bath!!!!" Hopefully the burglar will be afraid of spiders and run away.
• Tell them to take anything they like then get the hell out of here.

If none of these work, move on rapidly to

Plan B

This consists of pressing the Gardai's number on speed dial and hiding in the hot-cupboard.

alone in this.

I wish i felt like running

every time i see him coming

but there is some kind of magnet

pulling me towards making another hash of it.

The animosity is obvious and hurtful

as he thinks i do it purposeful

i'd say it was a misunderstanding

but the thing is so long standing,

that what ever i say

is taken up in the wrong way.

Now i will have to continue to ignore

it's not so much that i am disliked, i abhor

as that once we were friends

and to that end, i must continue to pretend

that none of this matters,

and although my ego is shattered

i am obliged to continue to self-defend

and force myself to believe

there will be an end to this.

don't get me wrong

i do understand it, but if it was me

i would have taken a handle on it

and played the forgiveness card

or at least opened a window

for a talk, but however it remains

that i must continue to walk alone in this.

alone in this.

Retrospect in Rhyme

Her words echo cruelly through my brain

unrelenting

Forcing me into repenting

sins i never even knew existed.

I could have resisted

but my ears have been listed

as part of my anatomy

that's the fact of me

and after she had taken all of me

she never even called on me

to see if her 'prodegy'

still existed.

Not even an apology.

I feel for her at the end of the day

but in another way, i reel from her

Fiocle 4th March 2011