She stood staring towards the mountain for hours, dazed at the notion that none of it had meant even so much as a backward glance at the carnage that he had left in his wake, that they had caused together, that she would be left alone with, and only her to pick up the pieces and do whatever she was to do with them, that which she couldn't fathom. So. With her whole world having crumbled around her, she realised that the only thing that was making her feel these hot tears, the only thing came between her and that, was her memory.
Friday, April 17, 2015
It was time to erase
She stood staring towards the mountain for hours, dazed at the notion that none of it had meant even so much as a backward glance at the carnage that he had left in his wake, that they had caused together, that she would be left alone with, and only her to pick up the pieces and do whatever she was to do with them, that which she couldn't fathom. So. With her whole world having crumbled around her, she realised that the only thing that was making her feel these hot tears, the only thing came between her and that, was her memory.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Prayer of blessing
bless this mind
bless this body
bless this inner child
bless this adult
be kind
listen only to these who speak self-truth
hear others similar and different
send only healing thoughts of love and peace
bless the water that you drink
bless the food that you eat
above all today be strong in mind and in body and in spirit
‘There she shook the holy water from her heavenly eyes, And clamour moistened, then away she started to deal with grief alone’
- gentleman - King Lear
as ever
Fiocle
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Message from a roller-skating van man travelling inter-dimensionally
Yesterday's date contained the numbers 12345. I noticed as I was drifting off to sleep and thinking it was after midnight, I actually thought it was todays date. On a day like that you have to have an interesting experience, it's mandatory.
It happened while walking down the road today. I was thinking as I normally do about random things and this time I began to drift into a memory of when I used to take my sister ice-skating. We had to take two busses, and I being the older was now proud custodian of our mother's beautiful white skates which she wore while being courted by my Dad. These same skates also co-starred in a recurring dream I used to have as a child. My sister is seven years my junior so I liked to do fun things with her when I was allowed. While I was mentally skating down the cigarette-butt lined concrete paths on the way to get my weekly groceries, my mind suddenly switched to the fun I used to have at a roller-disco with my first boyfriend. Suddenly a van took a left in front of me and turned into the car park which I was approaching, mentally on roller-skates. On the side of the dark green van were written in large white letters - ROLLER-SKATING. I gasped. Was this a coincidence or was this something bigger? I had not thought about roller-skating for many years.
So I hid behind a post and waited to see if the van driver's appearance could give any clues and I was eager to tell someone about what had just happened, but thought better of it.
He came towards the shop smiling, (people rarely smile around here) and went to get himself a trolly. I went inside and began my shopping. The van driver vanished, but the van was still there when I came out. By that time, in the chaos such places render to my mind, I had almost forgotten the incident had happened.
The questions that bug me are these.
Was my mind playing tricks? First came the thought then out of nowhere comes the visual in the form of a solid. Did my mind conjure this image? Was the image real, or imagined? I did not touch the van and I did not touch the man, and I did not verify the existence with anyone else.
The thought I prefer to think on the topic is that there was someone in another dimension trying to tell me something important or maybe no so important. I know this much though: I spent a lot of the early impressionable watching Dr Who in front of our old two-station black and white TV.
It happened while walking down the road today. I was thinking as I normally do about random things and this time I began to drift into a memory of when I used to take my sister ice-skating. We had to take two busses, and I being the older was now proud custodian of our mother's beautiful white skates which she wore while being courted by my Dad. These same skates also co-starred in a recurring dream I used to have as a child. My sister is seven years my junior so I liked to do fun things with her when I was allowed. While I was mentally skating down the cigarette-butt lined concrete paths on the way to get my weekly groceries, my mind suddenly switched to the fun I used to have at a roller-disco with my first boyfriend. Suddenly a van took a left in front of me and turned into the car park which I was approaching, mentally on roller-skates. On the side of the dark green van were written in large white letters - ROLLER-SKATING. I gasped. Was this a coincidence or was this something bigger? I had not thought about roller-skating for many years.
So I hid behind a post and waited to see if the van driver's appearance could give any clues and I was eager to tell someone about what had just happened, but thought better of it.
He came towards the shop smiling, (people rarely smile around here) and went to get himself a trolly. I went inside and began my shopping. The van driver vanished, but the van was still there when I came out. By that time, in the chaos such places render to my mind, I had almost forgotten the incident had happened.
The questions that bug me are these.
Was my mind playing tricks? First came the thought then out of nowhere comes the visual in the form of a solid. Did my mind conjure this image? Was the image real, or imagined? I did not touch the van and I did not touch the man, and I did not verify the existence with anyone else.
The thought I prefer to think on the topic is that there was someone in another dimension trying to tell me something important or maybe no so important. I know this much though: I spent a lot of the early impressionable watching Dr Who in front of our old two-station black and white TV.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
I sure as hell don't know...
...that's for sure
who can remember everything
I can if I try, but I prefer not to
Ban Bullfighting, it's a cruel and evil sport
They were both Taurus, the reason I came into the world.
There was a poster in the kitchen something like this only more arty
Did it subliminally destroy their marriage?
I can only ever wonder, because I know I'll never know
who can remember everything
I can if I try, but I prefer not to
Ban Bullfighting, it's a cruel and evil sport
They were both Taurus, the reason I came into the world.
There was a poster in the kitchen something like this only more arty
Did it subliminally destroy their marriage?
I can only ever wonder, because I know I'll never know
Monday, March 23, 2015
Ist day of spring
did you hear the cuckoo and did you hear the sound
of rustling nest and baby birds falling to the ground?
did you hear the silence of what will never be
can you hear the lonely wings flapping in its tree
can you hear the leaf fall, rocking to the ground
don't you know love lives forever without making a sound
Fiocle today
I spent a lot of my childhood in the country-side and there were many myths or sayings which
involved birds. One of them was that spring hadn't started until you heard the sound of the cuckoo,a simple sound which is almost onomatopoeic - I'd have spelled it Cookoo to be more precise.
The Cuckoo is unique in one respect. She lays her eggs in the nests of other birds who hatch and feed the chicklet. Before I had not had the maturity of thought, orthe time, to wonder why this bird behaves this way. If you think about it is extraordinary behaviour among all strange natural behaviours, which raise so many questions. But why should I be surprised? Humans have been doing it for centuries. Giving birth to a baby and then telling themselves they can't look after it and giving it away for adoption. Why not the cuckoo too? In the secret language between birds does the cuckoo agree terms and conditions with the surrogate parents. Do they get anything in exchange? Nobody knows what goes on Birdworld. I certainly don't claim to and thus this mystery remains just that.
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